([{something something something something)]}

Before I begin with today's scheduled program, let me just say that y'all are the best! Turns out most of my peeps are regulars, which just makes me so happy. :) I am always glad for new people to love me {of course} but I love my faithfuls. And might I just add, y'all are some entertaining people! I just love what food items you'd like to have "on tap", in the case that you were able to {sweet mercy from Heaven} dispense something from your navel. Y'all are so fun!

OH! And Tracy G --- I have no other way to contact you, so please forgive me for saying this publicly: I just had to tell you Thank You for stalking me! That makes ME smile! And girl, you are so very brave [and you're also my new hero]... I cannot believe that you took your 4 YOUNG CHILDREN across so many state lines camping. In my mind, I think that that would really be a blast and aLOT 'o fun, but it also terrifies me. You are an inspiration to us all! :)

Lately, days and days pass between postings. I wish that weren't so, but my brain seems to be thinking only short thoughts. Things that if posted beg for a list format.

Such as:

{{Every time I say that, the next thing to pop into my mind is: the Iraq}}

1. Heather Bullard's site. When I found her blog, I could not move from my chair. Page after page after page... I couldn't turn away. Seriously, I wish I could make my house look like hers--with so apparent little effort of the mind. She makes it look easy. [says in airy voice...] It's sooo beautifuuuullll...I swear to you, never before have I seen so many things I JUST LOVE in one collective place. So much loveliness. She has a gift that I covet.
2. Got a new journal. So promising. So intimidating.
3. Got a new vacuum. The beginning of my relationship with a new vacuum is always so hopeful. So far, I am smitten. I've found lost toys with that vacuum. That is some serious suction action.
4. I keep trying to think of a way to incorporate more pink into our home.
5. Why is it so easy to know what I love when I see it, and yet have such difficulty just creating what I love?
6. I've considered doing the Project 365 thing but I just reeeaaallly do not want to commit. I am resistant to anything regimented or required of me on a daily basis. HOWEVER, I would like to have a general documentation of our year in photos. I'd like to look back over that as time goes on, and remember things I might've otherwise forgotten. So then, after a few days of deliberating, I have created Verbs & Nouns. {You may (or may not) have noticed that I changed the name. Initially I had created Hotchpotch Goulash, but I found myself liking it less and less... So I deleted it, and created instead, Verbs & Nouns: Because sometimes life moves. And sometimes it stands still.} T'aint much to look at yet, but soon, I'll start posting photos. Soon is a relative term, of course.
7. Do tiny tornadoes pass through my house while my back is turned at the sink? [ah, Who am i kidding? The computer] Every day?
8. Yes, they must.
9. How else does all this mess happen?
10. Maybe, just maybe, it's three tornadoes. Three very short ones, since all of the mess seems to land on the floor.
11. Yes, that's probably what happens.
12. I can't seem to find just the thing to tie my whole bathroom together. In my mind though, whatever it is, I think it must be red. I cannot make peace with that room until it is complete. And complete, it is not.
13. I need to improve my preparation of vegetables. Love them as I may, I still fall short in tasty preparation. And you know, variety.
14. I have a punctuation issue. I have trouble deciding between (), [], and {}. 'Course I like 'em all - I'm just trying to settle on a favorite --- for consistency's sake.
15. I have the messiest baby in all the land. {Yes, I do.}
16. I tend to nest a few times a year. Sometimes it's decorating, sometimes it's cleaning or organizing. Currently, it's all of that, with particular focus on putting things in containers. (Sidenote: I do not balk at spending money on earrings or any variety of fun items, but looking at the cost spent on organizing always feels too high. Why all the resistance to something that makes me feel so good when things are tidy?)
17. Stretch just ordered the P90X. I hope to amaze myself. And I also hope to not disappoint myself. And yes, those are two separate distinctions.

Show Yourself! (I already heart you)

I missed it again! Last year I missed it and I swore that the next time it came around, I would not be caught half-steppin' and yet here I am. 10 days late for my favorite online holiday. [I didn't always have a favorite online holiday but when I found out about Delurking Day, then suddenly, my favorite emerged, with no effort at all.]

Thankfully, the cute little graphic doesn't contain a date - only a year - so if I hadn't ousted myself, you might not know how very late I am in celebrating! And I don't use the word celebrating lightly. I celebrate your presence here. You're very important to me. Truly, you are.

So, if you've been coming here for a while [or even if you're brand-spankin' new], today you have to tell me in the comment section that you've been stalking me. ;) And you really do have to(PLEASE!), because it's a holiday! And besides, it would just make my day. I'd love you like I love Wild Cherry Pepsi.

If you don't know what you might say, maybe you could answer a question.

Here, I'll provide you with some options:
(1) If you could dispense any condiment from your navel, what would it be? It's really a toss up for me--chocolate or buffalo sauce. I love them both immensely.
(2) What book, other than the Bible, has influenced you greatly? Two books top my list. Inside Out by Larry Crabb and The Shack by William Young (which tragically, I almost didn't finish)
(3) When was the last time you did something for the first time? What was it? I love this question, but I really had to think back... seems I haven't stretched myself in a while. ...well, I booked a trip to NYC in June. [Okay, I know that's puny. Really, really puny. But nothing else comes to mind! Ask me again in July and I can say - I WENT TO NEW YORK! BOO-YA!]

Okay, your turn! Go! Expose yourself! I see you anyway. See that little sitemeter icon way down at the bottom of this page? I'm watching you... ;)

The Honest Truth

The other day I asked my Sweet Pickle, "Do you think these jeans make Mama look fat?"

[Right here, you're probably thinking, what is wrong with her?! I asked because I really wanted to know. I know that he adores me to the skies and loves me to the moon and back and back again, and I also know that if I really want his assessment, I can ask him. He'll tell me.]

So I asked my 5 year old because I wanted an honest opinion that I could believe.

[I couldn't ask Stretch because that's never a safe question for the husband. It's cruel and unusual punishment. He can't win that. If he says no, he's obviously lying (because we never believe their compliments, or our mother's). But who in his right mind says yes?! An evil and cruel and horrid man who would be thenceforward banished to the wastelands forever.]

"Um, yeah, a little," saith my Sweet Sweet Pickle.

"Where?"

He walks up behind me, slaps me on my left cheek and then my right, saying "here, and here." Then he walks around the front and slaps me once on each thigh and says again, "here, and here."

He was quite nice about it, too - jaunty and with a smile in his voice. Not even a hint of mean--not a shred. Which makes me love his openness that much more.

He's my Mirror Mirror on the Wall. My lie detector.

If only he was as reliable when there's an altercation between himself and his seester....

Twitter. It's dead to me.

Twitter. Another word for WASTE MY TIME LIFE SUCKING DEVICE.

Because I'm a sucker for such devices, I signed up [because I didn't want to miss anything and be out of the loop, thereby making myself a loser blogger because I didn't know when other bloggers had gone to Target or drank a Caramel Macchiato or ate a pint of Ben & Jerry's] and promptly began neglecting it because' really? I don't care.

I really just don't care. The whole thing just makes me feel heavy and weighted down.

So about a week or two ago [I never really know how much time has passed], I tried to sign on so that I could just delete my account. I keep getting emails that soandso is now following me on Twitter, and I just think, poor fools, there's nothing to follow. Unless of course, someone hacked into my account (again) and there are some updates that I'm unaware of. Because like I was saying, I tried to sign on and it kept saying my signin/password were incorrect, so I contacted them for some technical support and the instructions they gave medidn't work.

Seems no one knows how to get me back in.

Doesn't matter though, because I have zero energy for twitter. I'm all tweeted out. If I could log on and update it today I'd probably say something like that... I'm all tweeted out. Peace Out. Shalomey Homies. And then I'd promptly delete my account.

But I can't do that. Because I can't log in.

I don't really have a clean way to wrap this up. I know a few of you were following me. Thank you for helping me to feel more popular, and I'm sorry there was never anything of consequence to follow.

This is my public announcement that I will be Twitter-ing no more. My official hasta luego, if you will.

And there ya have it.

Oui

I say no alot.

I've trained myself - to keep out pain, disappointment, hurt, rejection. I think we all know how that's turned out. And now what began with an enticing payoff has ended up costing me more than I like paying.

Still I hear myself saying it. Wanting to say it, and yet not wanting to say it, always wrestling.

I say no to my kids. No to myself. No to risk. No to intimacy. No to inconvenience and noise and stuff that make things messy. No to life.

I think though, that the part of me--the part that automatically, without thinking, says no--is on a slow train down a new track. There is something else in me, a far off voice saying yes...

I got some sweet cash for Christmas, and immediately started hunting down ways to spend it, because this girl loves stuff. I stumbled upon an Etsy store that became one of my major, major favorites. This girls jewelry looks like something from a fairy tale... something a woodland maiden (like me) would wear. One piece in particular though, grabbed me. I fell instantly in love. I saw it, I loved it. It's like we were meant to be together... me and Oui.

Photo: property of trystbykerry

Obviously I love it because it's French. I find that extremely charming. But beyond that, I get it. I know why I love it so. It reminds me of what to answer the invitations in my life with... invitations to play hard, and to do hard things.

Say yes, Jodie. No more of this Just Say No nonsense. Say oui.

That, and it's really, really pretty.

A Fluke

The strangest thing happened today. Trés bizarre.**

I was productive, and I mean, really productive. I got some stuff done.

I am, by nature, what one might call of the lazy persuasion. A slouch. I'd much rather sleep all day, only arising to ascertain something mighty delicious to chew or sip, and then go lay on the couch for a long nap afterwards.

That was not my day today. Or any day really. It's just what I aspire to.

Today though, was different from the usual strong résistance [say it with the accent] to get up from the computer chair. I didn't even sit in the chair until almost 11 and let me tell you, that is a feat. I couldn't sit though, because I had to get my house shipshape (or as they say in Danish, i fin orden) by noon because we were having a visitor--a contractor/builder-person-man who would do a walk-through, even into my bedroom.

[Just to illustrate the task set before me, let me tell you a quick story. Last week, I lost My Precious. Maybe you've seen it before? If you've seen me, you've seen it because I wear it almost as often as I wear my skin. My gray sweater coat. Lost it. I LOST IT! I called here and there and everywhere - even to places I KNEW I hadn't brought it because you know how you do that when you lose things. You lose your mind. Where, OH WHERE! could it be? What if it's gone forever?! I searched everywhere. You know where I finally found it? Mmhm, it was in my room. Buried deep beneath a mountainous mountain of other things.]

And so now you can clearly see what kind of pickin' up I had to be doin' in the span of 2 hrs. And I did it too! And you know what I thought about for the rest of the day? How good it felt to have such a clean house by noon.

I could've sat down all day, for the remainder of the afternoon, eatin' chips, and my house would've been fine. [Well... if I had tied up Puddin', that is, because that child is a MESS. I lost count of how many times I made him stop digging in the trash today. Or wiped up something he had spilled. He's like a little untrained puppy dog. If you've ever had one in your house, you know what I'm talking about. But dang, he's cute! ]

I did not sit down for the remainder of the day, though. Instead I decided to cook some stuff. Dinner was leftovers - some tasty vittles, too. So, I decided to try two new recipes. Homemade hot chocolate made with condensed milk hallelujah and amen, and I also tried my hand at marshmallows [or as I like to call them, Marthamallows].

I hope that tomorrow I can remember how good it felt to get all of that done today. But if that falls through, then maybe I can just settle for my "ideal day" as illustrated in paragraph three.

**And about all the French you're seeing here lately... I'm way smarter than y'all thought, huh? Or maybe I changed the settings? I really just wanted to see the date in French. The rest is lagniappe. They gave me that for free.**

Public Service Announcement

Y'all.

I went to WalMart this morning. I hate WalMart. But I can't stay away.

While there, I decided to peruse the women's clothing section. (Because I can never stay away from the Women's Clothing Section). Seems I'm always in need of new tops. Oddly enough, the Women's Top seems to be my fashion achilles heel. I can buy awesome Outerwear, Footwear and Accessories all day--no problem. The thing I always have a shortage of is good shirts. I was feeling pretty hopeless, like I had an innate inability to choose cute, affordable, well-fitted shirts. The only thing I felt confident buying was something very much like a gussied up t-shirt. Perhaps something with elbow length sleeves if I was going for "fancy".

And so I'm looking around, not finding much of anything. As usual. And then BAM! Out of nowhere I see this tiny section of CUTE shirts. I mean, these clothes were nice.

And nice is not usually my go-to word when I'm talking about the clothes at The Walmark.

Of course I don't love all of it, but I saw lots of stuff I'd like to have. Look at what I bought today. I think tomorrow I may go back for it in purple. WalMarks (with their trickery) won't let me copy their images, and so instead, I have to link to them. Crafty little devils.

The brand is called To The MAX.

Look for it. I mean, if you can tolerate long check-out lines, grim cashiers and a generally filthy store and parking lot, that is.

de janvier à décembre

I've said before that I'm bilingual. That I speak music. I think, rather, that the truth is that music speaks me.

This past year, as it is with every year, there are songs that fill the spaces in my mind and my heart. Songs that I hear God's voice in; songs that draw my voice from me.

And so, my year, in song... These words have been my anthem, and seeing them on paper, they seem to follow a theme.

de janvier à décembre

[Have I mentioned before that I love French? Because I do. I love French.]

[From the Inside Out - Hillsong United]
A thousand times I've failed
Still Your mercy remains And should I stumble again
I'm caught in Your grace
In my heart and my soul
Lord I give You control
Consume me from the inside out
And the cry of my heart
Is to bring You praise
From the inside out
Lord my soul cries out


[Shadowfeet - Brooke Fraser]
Walking, stumbling on these shadowfeet
Toward home, a land that I've never seen
I am changing
Less and less asleep
Made of different stuff than when I began


[You're Gonna Miss This - Trace Adkins]
Five years later there's a plumber workin' on the water heater
Dog's barkin', phone's ringin'
One kid's cryin', one kid's screamin'
And she keeps apologizin'
He says "They don't bother me.
I've got 2 babies of my own.
One's 36, one's 23.
Huh, it's hard to believe, but...

You're gonna miss this
You're gonna want this back
You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast
These are some good times
So take a good look around
You may not know it now
But you're gonna miss this


[Awakening - Switchfoot]
I want to wake up kicking and screaming
I want to wake up kicking and screaming
I want to know that my heart's still beating,
It's beating, I'm bleeding.
I want to wake up kicking and screaming
I want to live like I know what I'm leaving
I want to know that my heart's still beating,
Is beating, Is beating, It's beating, I'm bleeding


[Desire - Phil Wickham]
I’m running through the gates of love, as fast as I can
I can’t wait to see You 'cause I’m a desperate man
You made the light and sent it down
to show us who You are
Now it’s bursting out my heart
My desire is burning like a million stars
And I’ll keep reaching out, reaching out for You


[The Cut - Jason Gray]
My heart is laid
Under Your blade
As you carve out Your image in me
You cut to the core
But still you want more
As you carefully, tenderly ravage me
Mingling here
Your blood and my tears
As You whittle my kingdom away
But I see that you suffer, too
In making me new
For the blade of Love, it cuts both ways

And You peel back the bark
And tear me apart
To get to the heart
Of what matters most
I’m cold and I’m scared
As your love lays me bare
But in the shaping of my soul
They say the cut makes me whole

Hidden inside the grain
Beneath the pride and pain
Is the shape of the man
You meant me to be
Who with every cut now you try to set free
Come now, set me free


I'd like to see some more of this theme this year.

Less rules.
Less ceremony.
Less and less asleep.

More grace.
More desperation.
More whittling away of my kingdom.
More freedom.
More of the shape of the one I'm meant to be.

The Doctrine of Grace

If I had to choose one thing to really, truly GET, to have settled on my insides this year, this would be it.

“If the people do not like the doctrine of grace, give them all the more of it.”
—Charles H. Spurgeon

Because...

"Rules cannot bring freedom; they only have the power to accuse. It is true that relationships are a whole lot messier than rules, but rules will never give you answers to the deep questions of your heart and they will never love you."
—William P. Young

To Love Without an Agenda

...All I want from you is to trust me with what little you can,
and grow in loving people around you with the same love I share with you.
It's not your job to change them, or to convince them.
You are free to love without an agenda.
-taken from The Shack
(I've decided to finish it. And I'm so glad I did...)

and then there's this, which seem to go hand in hand with the other thing:

Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully
as when they do it from a religious conviction.
-Blaise Pascal

Just ask anyone who has been "ministered to" from that angle.
Or ask someone who has been on the giving end.
I've been on both.
Ugh.

Cheap Therapy

A God Who cares.
Someone to talk to and open up the gates of the ugly cry.
A cold, cold Fresca with some cold, cold ice cubes.

Exhale.

That feels much better.

And then my Sweet Pickle drew me a picture and labeled it Mighty Mama - with very large arm and leg muscles. Because, he says, that means I'm strong.

And then last night during supper, my little Puddin' kept leanin' his head in over and over for more and more kisses and loveys. He even rubbed my leg a little. Sweet thing.

The night may continue for a while, but the sun does come up in the morning.

Merry Christmas, y'all. And because her words are so beautiful, go read Anna Maria Horner's short closing paragraph.

**Edited: Christmas Day, I signed on, because I'm sick like that, and this is the quote that greeted me:

The birth of Jesus is the sunrise in the Bible.

Well, Amen to that.

Low

Invisibility is over-rated. I'd much prefer the super power of the balance of justice with grace.

What I'm saying over and over to my children is not getting through and so I say it louder and louder, until they cry, and it's my turn to apologize.

Again.

There's a silent angry river that runs through me. It yells and occasionally cusses and then runs and hides, somewhere deep because it's afraid of itself.

My dairy-allergic son eats M&Ms from the trash can. M&Ms that were dug up from under a 2-day old wet Pull-Up. Disgusting and Dangerous. Red splotches show up a few minutes later on his face and I give him a full tsp of Benadryl and secretly wish I was better than I am.

I just wanna go to bed.

I've had enough today.

I want to sleep until I'm better.

Earlier in the day, I'm making an impromptu felt dinosaur upon Sweet Pickle's request and he wants to watch me stitch it. I say okay. He watches me stick the needle into a fold in my jeans and says, "Mooommm, you put a hole in your jeaaannnnsss". "Don't touch it", I say. He reaches over to touch it and jabs me twice with the needle. I yell at him, my small 5 year old, something like, "What are you doing?! I just said don't touch it! How did that get lost in translation and you now think it's okay to touch it?! You stuck me with the needle twice!!" His face deteriorates and he starts to cry.

What good is an apology when I lose it so many times in a day.

I keep breaking stuff that I can't fix.

Every time I yell I think I send a loud message to my children: Why can't you get it right? And yet I feel powerless to stop. I feel like nothing else I'm doing is getting results. I feel overtaken by this ugly thing. This ugly thing that produces results that I don't want.

I think I understand to some degree the women who've said their children would be better off with someone else.

I hate this thing. And I hate that it's taking so long to change. I want my heart to embrace my roles now. It's a bitter pill to swallow. To see myself. To really see myself and that there is no good thing in me.

It's a crappy place to be.

Actually, on spiritual terms, it's probably a great place to be.

But it feels like crap.

Perhaps tomorrow will be more cheery. I hope so. For my family's sake. But today, something is under my skin and I feel discontent and bitchy.

I know it won't last. I know I'll get to a better place soon. Today's quote is suitable though, don't you think?

“He became what we are that he might make us what he is.”

Haste the day.

Livin' the Dream

SUNDAY

Wake up, injure toe by merely exiting the bed. Grace-full. [And frail, evidently.] That's me.

DAILY
Take Puddin' down from kitchen table.

[And yes, my table IS always that pristine.]

From the look on his face, you can see he's highly concerned for his safety. However, this singular action is cause for his Mommy to leave her happy place no less than 15 times a day.

FRIDAY
Make very first decoupage as gift for niece with first initial, A.
Beam, because I'm so pleased with how it turned out.

IN BETWEEN HOBBLING AND GLUING AND REMOVING SMALL CHILD FROM HIGH PLACES:
Wrap gifts - almost my favorite part of giving.

And then there's this, which really got me out of my comfort zone.

We made these:
(Mama does not like to intentionally make more messes she has to clean up.)

(Even in the name of fun and good memories.)

(Because I suck like that.)

That's Pam spray that gives their hands such a high shine.

Seriously? Pam? On 4 and 5 year old hands? Isn't that sort of, um, messy?

Yeahhhhh..... It iiisss........

And there you have it.
In part at least.
My week.
Livin' the dream.

Wondering what to eat for Christmas Dinner? Not me.

Christmas Tour of Homes '08

We begin this tour with two recipes that contain chocolate. You gonna wanna get a pen...

Ya may find my photography throughout to be a bit lack-luster [or lustre if you wish you were British, like me] but this recipe is anything but. It is totally with-lustre... have-lustre. Whichever.

Peppermint-Mocha Coffee
6 C freshly brewed coffee
4 squares Baker's semi-sweet baking chocolate
1 1/2 C hot milk
1 tsp peppermint extract
8 peppermint sticks (the soft, melt in your mouth kind)
RediWhip

POUR coffee into large saucepan. Add chocolate; cook on low 5 minutes or until chocolate is melted, stirring occasionally.
ADD milk and extract; stir until well blended. Garnish with RediWhip and a peppermint stick, and maybe some crushed peppermint nestled into your RediWhip waves. The recipe doesn't call for that tidbit, but you want it.

This other recipe I haven't yet tried myself. I will though, because I've had a hankering for this sort of thing for some time now.

So here it is - Put the 'HOT' in your COCOA
Melt a square or two of bittersweet chocolate in a mug of hot milk. Mix in a dash each of ancho and chipotle chile powders and cinnamon, then finish with a splash of vanilla extract (and don't forget the whipped cream).

Now, I don't know about you, but to me, that spells FASCINATING and DELECTABLE.

Now for the tour of my home - comprised mostly of pictures and words.

A few favorite ornaments:
1) The Tree - silky & beaded on the front, velvet on the back. I'm fairly certain my mansion in Heaven will be completely constructed out of velvet.

2) The Mirrored Angel and also a peek at The Red Garland That Warms & Charms

And now, please allow me to introduce you to my favorite penguins...

Joyce & Herschel.
They enjoy spending their days keeping an eye on the coffee pot and talking smack to each other...

(overheard) Herschel, do not get fresh with me...

You see dis slap? [raises eyebrows and widens gaze]
You gon' walk over, but you gon' limp back.
[She's very sassy. Poor Herschel.]

I also have some reindeer, but I prefer to call them reindiers [pronounced: dee-airs].
Now, the tree... Ta Daaaaaa! This is the part where my photography fails me. It's alot prettier in person. I swur (swear) it.

Thank you for coming! Before you go, you must watch this because I am bossy you CANNOT have a "Mady Chrithmahsth" without it! [I already posted this about 2 weeks ago (maybe you noticed?), but I never tire of it... and so, again. More Dave Barnes. You're welcome.]

For more of this kind of Tour-y thing, get yerself to BooMama's House and foller some o' them links down yonder. You'll probably enjoy it. It's always fun looking in other people's houses.

And shopping carts.

But that's a whole 'nother post entire.

Mady Christhmahsth and Happy New Jear's!

Never In My Life

I've never seen it snow like this here.

Not ever.

Flurries. Sleet. Ice on the ground. A little snow piled up on windshield wipers. Yes.

But not this much. And it was stunning!

And magical.

I hope it won't be the last time...

Siesta Ornament Exchange '08

I'm breaking the rules and doing this a few days early. The real exposé isn't until the 15th, but that's also the day of BooMama's Christmas Tour of Homes and I didn't want to do them together.

This year I decided to participate in the Siesta Fiesta Ornament Exchange, because I [evidently] like to inundate myself with more and more things to do at the busiest time of year. I signed up initially because I thought it would be fun, and even though it put one more thing on my already tiring TO DO list, I signed up anyway.

And I'm glad I did.

It's very sweet to know that someone I've never met invested their time and resources into my little family unit in a way that I'll remember every year.

I got paired up with Rachel, of Freedom-Bound Captive, who has a beautiful family by the way. Here is the ornament her family sent to ours:
She has a tiny inscription down the side of her gown that reads, "Peace be with you". Isn't she lovely? I like her alot. So much so that by looking at her, it's as if Rachel DOES know me, because this is something I would've chosen for myself. :)

But that's not all. She went a step further and also sent these edible Rice Krispy Treat "ornaments" that her 2 beautiful girls made for my three kidlets! Sweet, huh? My kids sure liked their thoughtfulness!

Thank you again, Rachel! You really made this fun!

If you're interested in seeing other exchanges, follow this link, right chere.

Or this one.

They're the same. :)

But don't follow them until Monday! Because the real Show 'n Tell doesn't start officially until then.

And now, I REALLY love Carol of the Bells...

GOOD. GRAVY! You have GOT to see [this]! It is Christmas GOLD!

A veritable GOLD RUSH, people.

Get thyself some gold!

Thank you Annie for introducing those of us (or maybe just me)whose lives transpire beneath a rock to the illustrious Dave Barnes video talent. I knew not the level of ya boyz skillz.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Jear's to you all!

I need Africa. Do you?

Last week I told you why I need Africa. I later discovered that all these people do too!

Today, Barrett (of Mocha Club) wants you to know why he needs Africa. And from what I can tell, Barrett is the man. He lives in Ethiopia, so he knows of what he speaks. Here's where it starts...

:::I NEED AFRICA MORE THAN AFRICA NEEDS ME:::

When I think of Africa, the following images immediately come to mind: Starvation. AIDS. Child soldiers. Genocide. Sex slaves. Orphans. From there, my thoughts naturally turn to how I can help, how I can make a difference. “I am needed here,” I think. “They have so little, and I have so much.” It’s true, there are great tragedies playing out in Africa everyday. There is often a level of suffering here that is unimaginable until you have seen it, and even then it is difficult to believe. But what is even harder is reconciling the challenges that many Africans face with the joy I see in the people. It’s a joy that comes from somewhere I cannot fathom, not within the framework that has been my life to this day. [read more]

After you finish reading that, come back and watch this video.



Watching that gives me chills and that song gets into me. I don't want my circumstance to define my joy. I want to have the joy of Africa in me. I also want to help and make a difference where I can - which may look like buying a (really rad) t-shirt to support the cause of Mocha Club. Don't just envy mine. Get your own! And what you give may supply water for a year. And maybe some of Africa will get into you. I hope so!

The campaign starts here - but let's not stop talking about it!

Beyond Thankful

Ten years ago, I had Thanksgiving Dinner in jail, (complete with dry, thinly sliced turkey, cornbread dressing and a cup of Kool-Aid), with a group of strangers and my twin sister. That year, I was beyond thankful to have her there with me - because it meant I wasn't alone in the scariest time of my life.

Ten years ago, on the day before Thanksgiving, we were given the option to go up on the roof to get some sunlight. Our group cell was not made of bars, but cinder blocks, like what is commonly found in High School gymnasium bathrooms - no windows. I opted out because I was going home the next day, which would've been day 4 in jail, the end of our "sentence".

Ten years ago, the next day came, but I didn't go home. Instead, I got a message that our judge was on vacation and we were going to be staying "indefinitely". That word dropped into my stomach like a bowling ball. Every day we'd ask, Is he back? When do we get to go to court and find out when we get out of here? Day after day, we got the same reply. He's on vacation, we don't know. We'll let you know when we know. Eight more days passed before we were released, bringing our grand total up to 12 days in jail.

Ten years ago, I went to court high with the full understanding of what might happen when I got there. You violate probation, they put you in the slammer. I was scared out of my skin, but I had the slightest hope we'd get a slap on the wrist. And honestly, at the time, even though I was quite sure I'd faint in front of the judge, I thought the 4 days we got in jail was a slap on the wrist. I told myself, Four days is nothin'. I can do anything for four days. However, I learned rather quickly that I can do very little indefinitely.

Ten years ago, I spent 12 days in a room where the TV was rarely off, all the calls I made were collect, and someone was always slamming a deck of cards on an aluminum table. The noise was constant. We had a communal bathroom which was wide open. Flimsy shower curtains. Short stalls around the toilets. Never any real privacy. For 12 days I wore faded, used navy blue scrubs and black plastic slippers. Every day, lunch was the same; peanut butter sandwich with a small cup of Kool-Aid. I was always thirsty. I had no blow dryer. No makeup. And most importantly, no drugs.

Ten years ago, my 12 days in jail were the first of my days of sobriety. Up to that point, I had been high every day. I couldn't even remember the last day I didn't do something - and the idea of spending the REST. OF. MY. LIFE. sober scared me more than anything.

Ten years ago, I wanted nothing to do with God. NOTHING. I continued in that way for the next two years, searching for the ever-popular Spiritual Experience - but not the God who calls Himself "I Am". And God, in His amazing grace, saw fit to set me free anyway. Because He could see His plans for me - plans to give me a hope and a future. At the time, it felt like death - which now, ten years down the road, I've learned seems to be God's way to freedom.

And ten years later, I am beyond thankful for that.

We went through fire and through water;
Yet Thou didst bring us out into a place of abundance.

I Need Africa

I was asked by Mocha Club to write about the concept of why, 'I need Africa more than Africa needs me'. Mocha Club is a community-based website where members can start a team and invite friends to join them in giving $7 a month - the cost of 2 mochas - to support a project in Africa. Mocha Club's vision is to provide a way for people who don't have hundreds or thousands of dollars to make a difference in Africa.

Which is good, because that means I can be useful too!

From where I sit in my life, it is obvious to me that I need Africa more than Africa needs me. What my flesh is and desires is painfully clear -- and I can say with some certainty that what I can offer in the way of giving of myself doesn't amount to much.

Like I said in the previous post, I've never been to Africa, but something in me already loves it. If given the chance, I would love to go... because I need Africa.

Need & Lack. To see with my own eyes, the heart and struggle of an AIDS infected single Mom, who has to feed her babies just like I do; and yet, I live such a cushioned, sheltered life that I never truly worry where our food will come from... I need Africa.

Disappointment. I have wrestled with disappointment and injustice in my own life and I have cultivated a spirit that can be very demanding of the Spirit of God. But disappointment is not an end. I have seen God use it in my life to bring me to brokenness, which has always lead to freedom. Africa, with its real need and personal disappointment offers perspective. I need Africa.

Beauty. I have never seen any face more beautiful than the stunning, black faces of Africa. ...And in spite of poverty and crisis, Africa has so much beauty to offer - beyond the faces of the people and the land. God offers beauty for ashes. I need Africa.

Share your thoughts in my comments, and even blog about it yourself. Discuss. :)

I need Africa more than Africa needs me.

Do you?

And then come back on December 1st - when we can stop singin' it and start bringin' it!

Prelude

When Annie first posted about the Mocha Club and their new campaign launch, the words that snagged me were: "All you have to have is a blog and a heart for Africa. That's it."

I've never been to Africa, but something in me already loves it.

Also, I think Annie ROCKS THE CASBAH - even though we've never met. Sometimes people are so transparent you feel like you know them. Annie has posted so much of her heart that I, her imaginary friend (for now), feel in part, like I know her and can trust her. If Annie says it's cool, it's because it's cool. If she says it's funny, you better get ready to laugh yourself slackjawed. That's all I'm sayin'.

I think you'll want to see what the Mocha Club is up to though - because there's a very good chance you will want to get involved! You may be amazed by how much your little can do.

I need Africa more than Africa needs me.

Steel Magnolias (or my alternate title: You'll Never Believe This Because I Look Like I Grew Up In Church)

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away... or you know, back when I was 13, I thought I was bad.

I found some well-priced steel-toe combat boots that I liked to wear paired with a short teal and white floral print rayon mini skirt. Because nothing says "mean" like combat boots and rayon. I would iron all the wrinkles out of my pretty skirt, lace up my knee-high black (tough) boots and go for a walk around the neighborhood. Sometimes I packed my butterfly knife that I found somewhere one time.

(Criminal disposal maybe?)(Which of course made me feel even more indestructible and above the law.)

And then there were times I packed my brass knuckles.

I was tough. And edgy.

Everything about me said, "Do not mess with this girl. She will cut you."

Except for the floral rayon.

One day, this thug girl found out I had kissed her boyfriend. In short, she had beef with me. So she confronted me in the street. In front of her little friends minions. She cussed me lower than a snake's belly and then she slapped me in the face.

Hard.

I was put in my place. Effective immediately.

I turned to make my walk of shame back home, hot tears rolling down my face, my heart pounding in my chest and throat, telling myself lies, like, if I had had my brass knuckles, she wouldn'tna handled me like that. I'da taken her down.

I think the case had already been solved though, who the real gangsta was.

I got in front of my house(finally). But not forgetting about my hard thuggish image, with a final jolt of gall, I turned back to where she was still standing (and laughing)(at the far end of the street) and I screamed some profanity and called her some classy names and then I turned and ran into my house.

Because I was bad.

True story.

**Edited to add: After reading this again, it sounds as though I was your regular run-of-the-mill bully. This was absolutely not the case. This whole story took place on weekend visitation at my moms - hence, not my hometown - AND WAS AN ISOLATED INCIDENT! I tried to "be somebody else" over there. Or at least give it a valiant effort. Truth is, I was not hard at all. (As evidenced here.) I was just really into this dude that was a straight thug and all I did was DRESS THE PART. The end. I was only trying to be what I thought he wanted. Inside, and outside evidently, I was just a big softie. And I prefer me like that.

Cuteness with skin on.

And also, consider this very robust applause to be yours, Rachel! Because you won my very great and awesome giveaway! You guessed 37 days. My guess is roughly 42 days, give or take, so you win!! Congratulations!

Stretch almost won because he guessed 41 days, but his guess was not documented herein, therefore, etc. etc, and so his prize is now null and void, etc. etc. and will now be passed onto the next best guesser.

And now, with this great prize, you, Rachel, will undoubtedly (or you know, undoubtably, if you wish), be the absolute envy of your friends.

I mean, who doesn't want some rousing applause? Hm?

Thaaaat's what I thought.