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13 September 2008

Finding my voice

When I first started blogging, I did not think this was gonna be a problem. (And on serious posts, it's not.)

But sometimes on humorous posts I have a hard time deciphering the voices in my head. Because funny quotes and things tend to stick with me. Comedy is my favorite. I love making other people laugh. But see? I'm on a quest for the BEST POST EVER. My mind wants to grab ahold of the funniest thought floating in my brain and use that - even if it's not original. But then I feel like I am essentially bland because the funniest things I think aren't even my thoughts. They're things I've picked up along the way. From books, movies, TV, etc. I don't want to be a copy cat. I'd like to be different, just like everybody else.

There are so many people blogging. So. so. many. I don't want to be boring. When I first started I assumed no one was reading it, because no one even knew about it. And then I started getting comments. I got hooked on Comment Crack. The more I got, the more I wanted. I'd like to say that's different now. That I've matured. I haven't. It's the same as it ever was. But now I have this added pressure to keep them coming, and to get new ones. Because what kind of loser blogger only gets like 4 comments.

I like writing funny posts. Funny draws a crowd. People like funny people. I like being liked. It's a good partnership, no? Secretly though, I would like for all people everywhere to think that I am funnyandwittyandclever and SO VERY AWESOME and perhaps wish to be my bosom buddy because of my AWESOMENESS. I would like to have several, several comments on each and every post to reaffirm my high level of awesomeness.

Instead, I have an average of 4 or 5 per post. Which I don't think is entirely bad. It's probably very good for me.

Because it's humbling.

I considered not posting this. I feel really, really exposed. I thought about just working it out in the confines safety of my own head, between me and myself where no one would know my weakness. No one would see me struggle. I'm not a fan of public struggle. I would prefer to hibernate or be vaporized until the struggle is over and I am free from whatever thing was binding me. And then I could be reconstituted, or whatever the opposite of vaporized is, into this whole, free person that everyone could look at as exemplary greatness.

I know that it is profitable to struggle openly, to some degree. I understand the benefits. Yet I still am not a fan.

My issues have names that are obvious by now, right? Their names are Pride and Fear of Rejection.

So why post it? I suppose part of my reasoning is in the interest of full disclosure. For the sake of honesty. Partly, also, because it was on my brain. And the things that linger on my brain tend to make it here.

And then maybe there are other people who deal with this, too.

Or maybe I just need the humility.

(And now I will be checking my email all day long to see what you have to say about this. See what I mean?)

7 people love me:

Jackie @ Our Moments Our Memories said...

Ok...I just love you. I really do. :) So glad you posted this because...um, yes! Other people struggle with this. I have been meaning to post on this very thing myself, except that I haven't worked it all out in my little head yet. But when I do, I hope it's ok if I steal this idea from you...

I know you know this, but your awesomeness really doesn't depend on your wonderful wit and humor (of which you possess a great deal). It's just from being you. I so identify with you in that there are different bloggy "voices" when I'm writing, and sometimes it's so hard to know what to include, what sounds fake, what sounds like you're trying too hard, what is TMI, on and on and on. And I know already that I am not funny, and it's ok, so I don't even try to go that direction. But I sure appreciate you girls that are...and that includes you!

K, now I've completely taken over your comment section...

Tonja said...

I hope I really don't have to say this, but I will...I think you're "funnyandwittyandclever and SO VERY AWESOME and" I do "wish to be (your) bosom buddy because of (your) AWESOMENESS"
but it has nothing to do with your ability to be funny :)

Take the pressure off, sista! Enjoy your blog...write the thoughts that come you. what's the saying? "write it and they will come"...yeah, that's it. Just be yourself...that's who people love! I pray that you'll start to believe that!


Sarah@Life in the Parsonage said...

You, my southern bosom buddy are one of the funniest and wittiest blogs I read!...and I read a lot :)

I know you're feeling like you're having trouble finding your voice, but to me, your blog is one of the most originals...I feel like I know you, through your posts...because of your writing style.

I'm with Tonja...sometimes its easy to make it more difficult than it is. I'm all about "stealing" ideas :) Sometimes a different take on it is still funny ;)

Thank you for sharing your heart...it matches most of ours, I think.

The Bayou Belles and Their Beau said...

I am the same way. Actually, I think we all are. But, I'm really trying to get over it. It's hard when some bloggers (ummm ... like Sarah ... ahem) get twent-something comments on every post. I'm just facing the fact that I'm not as popular.

Well, you know I love you, with or without the blog.

WayMoreHomemade (Donna) said...

I read you... I really do. I just don't always have time to comment on all the blogs I try to read. I remember I came across your blog because I saw you comment somewhere else... maybe BigMama. I just liked your title.

Anyways, I feel your struggles. I find that I am still inventing my blog identity and finding my niche, if you will. Also consider that probably only a

I agree with all the previous comments. Enjoy your blog and blog what you like. If you're enjoying it, it will come through regardless of what you talk about. I enjoy it. :)

Tante D's better half said...

Jo, whether or not your quotes are original doesn't matter to most, b/c they're original to us and they're funny. And even when I've heard it before, it's still funny coming from you, b/c of your timing and your amazing memory. See, you didn't kill all those brain cells in your youth. How did you manage that? Anyway, I "LURVE" your blog. I've checked it everyday since I finally figured out what a blog is.....and I owe THAT to you.... hehehehehehe AND you are a very talented writer, quotes or no quotes.....and you didn't copy THAT!

bren j. said...

Well Jodie, if we both lived in different places (because I would wish Northern Maine on very FEW people and there's no way in heck I'd move to LA what with your lovely summer 'Rains') we would totally be friend - us and our equal amounts of awesomeness. :) Great post!