Heart Surgery

Somewhere along the way I adopted the belief that if I pray sincerely and live well, or at least give it my best effort, that God is then supposed to answer my prayers according to my earnest wishes; that if I do all the things that I think I should be doing, then my life will go smoothly. I know it's a lie. I'm not looking to correct my theology here... It's just that I recognize how I feel when things don't turn out how I want them to. That feeling that God is holding out on me. And the anger. When I feel angry with Him it's because in my heart that lie is operating - the lie that says things should be different because I prayed, because I read the Bible this morning, because I meant it!

And because I don't want to be misleading, I think I should confess here that I may only have prayed sincerely and 'fervently' for an extended span of, oh, say, three days and then dropped off because "nothing happened". You know, things didn't work out like they would if I were God. I'm very spiritual like that. Not to mention impatient and immature.

In the meantime I know that God is doing something in my heart. Righting my thoughts, and His arm is not too short to save. And I praise Him for that.