([{something something something something)]}

Before I begin with today's scheduled program, let me just say that y'all are the best! Turns out most of my peeps are regulars, which just makes me so happy. :) I am always glad for new people to love me {of course} but I love my faithfuls. And might I just add, y'all are some entertaining people! I just love what food items you'd like to have "on tap", in the case that you were able to {sweet mercy from Heaven} dispense something from your navel. Y'all are so fun!

OH! And Tracy G --- I have no other way to contact you, so please forgive me for saying this publicly: I just had to tell you Thank You for stalking me! That makes ME smile! And girl, you are so very brave [and you're also my new hero]... I cannot believe that you took your 4 YOUNG CHILDREN across so many state lines camping. In my mind, I think that that would really be a blast and aLOT 'o fun, but it also terrifies me. You are an inspiration to us all! :)

Lately, days and days pass between postings. I wish that weren't so, but my brain seems to be thinking only short thoughts. Things that if posted beg for a list format.

Such as:

{{Every time I say that, the next thing to pop into my mind is: the Iraq}}

1. Heather Bullard's site. When I found her blog, I could not move from my chair. Page after page after page... I couldn't turn away. Seriously, I wish I could make my house look like hers--with so apparent little effort of the mind. She makes it look easy. [says in airy voice...] It's sooo beautifuuuullll...I swear to you, never before have I seen so many things I JUST LOVE in one collective place. So much loveliness. She has a gift that I covet.
2. Got a new journal. So promising. So intimidating.
3. Got a new vacuum. The beginning of my relationship with a new vacuum is always so hopeful. So far, I am smitten. I've found lost toys with that vacuum. That is some serious suction action.
4. I keep trying to think of a way to incorporate more pink into our home.
5. Why is it so easy to know what I love when I see it, and yet have such difficulty just creating what I love?
6. I've considered doing the Project 365 thing but I just reeeaaallly do not want to commit. I am resistant to anything regimented or required of me on a daily basis. HOWEVER, I would like to have a general documentation of our year in photos. I'd like to look back over that as time goes on, and remember things I might've otherwise forgotten. So then, after a few days of deliberating, I have created Verbs & Nouns. {You may (or may not) have noticed that I changed the name. Initially I had created Hotchpotch Goulash, but I found myself liking it less and less... So I deleted it, and created instead, Verbs & Nouns: Because sometimes life moves. And sometimes it stands still.} T'aint much to look at yet, but soon, I'll start posting photos. Soon is a relative term, of course.
7. Do tiny tornadoes pass through my house while my back is turned at the sink? [ah, Who am i kidding? The computer] Every day?
8. Yes, they must.
9. How else does all this mess happen?
10. Maybe, just maybe, it's three tornadoes. Three very short ones, since all of the mess seems to land on the floor.
11. Yes, that's probably what happens.
12. I can't seem to find just the thing to tie my whole bathroom together. In my mind though, whatever it is, I think it must be red. I cannot make peace with that room until it is complete. And complete, it is not.
13. I need to improve my preparation of vegetables. Love them as I may, I still fall short in tasty preparation. And you know, variety.
14. I have a punctuation issue. I have trouble deciding between (), [], and {}. 'Course I like 'em all - I'm just trying to settle on a favorite --- for consistency's sake.
15. I have the messiest baby in all the land. {Yes, I do.}
16. I tend to nest a few times a year. Sometimes it's decorating, sometimes it's cleaning or organizing. Currently, it's all of that, with particular focus on putting things in containers. (Sidenote: I do not balk at spending money on earrings or any variety of fun items, but looking at the cost spent on organizing always feels too high. Why all the resistance to something that makes me feel so good when things are tidy?)
17. Stretch just ordered the P90X. I hope to amaze myself. And I also hope to not disappoint myself. And yes, those are two separate distinctions.

Show Yourself! (I already heart you)

I missed it again! Last year I missed it and I swore that the next time it came around, I would not be caught half-steppin' and yet here I am. 10 days late for my favorite online holiday. [I didn't always have a favorite online holiday but when I found out about Delurking Day, then suddenly, my favorite emerged, with no effort at all.]

Thankfully, the cute little graphic doesn't contain a date - only a year - so if I hadn't ousted myself, you might not know how very late I am in celebrating! And I don't use the word celebrating lightly. I celebrate your presence here. You're very important to me. Truly, you are.

So, if you've been coming here for a while [or even if you're brand-spankin' new], today you have to tell me in the comment section that you've been stalking me. ;) And you really do have to(PLEASE!), because it's a holiday! And besides, it would just make my day. I'd love you like I love Wild Cherry Pepsi.

If you don't know what you might say, maybe you could answer a question.

Here, I'll provide you with some options:
(1) If you could dispense any condiment from your navel, what would it be? It's really a toss up for me--chocolate or buffalo sauce. I love them both immensely.
(2) What book, other than the Bible, has influenced you greatly? Two books top my list. Inside Out by Larry Crabb and The Shack by William Young (which tragically, I almost didn't finish)
(3) When was the last time you did something for the first time? What was it? I love this question, but I really had to think back... seems I haven't stretched myself in a while. ...well, I booked a trip to NYC in June. [Okay, I know that's puny. Really, really puny. But nothing else comes to mind! Ask me again in July and I can say - I WENT TO NEW YORK! BOO-YA!]

Okay, your turn! Go! Expose yourself! I see you anyway. See that little sitemeter icon way down at the bottom of this page? I'm watching you... ;)

The Honest Truth

The other day I asked my Sweet Pickle, "Do you think these jeans make Mama look fat?"

[Right here, you're probably thinking, what is wrong with her?! I asked because I really wanted to know. I know that he adores me to the skies and loves me to the moon and back and back again, and I also know that if I really want his assessment, I can ask him. He'll tell me.]

So I asked my 5 year old because I wanted an honest opinion that I could believe.

[I couldn't ask Stretch because that's never a safe question for the husband. It's cruel and unusual punishment. He can't win that. If he says no, he's obviously lying (because we never believe their compliments, or our mother's). But who in his right mind says yes?! An evil and cruel and horrid man who would be thenceforward banished to the wastelands forever.]

"Um, yeah, a little," saith my Sweet Sweet Pickle.

"Where?"

He walks up behind me, slaps me on my left cheek and then my right, saying "here, and here." Then he walks around the front and slaps me once on each thigh and says again, "here, and here."

He was quite nice about it, too - jaunty and with a smile in his voice. Not even a hint of mean--not a shred. Which makes me love his openness that much more.

He's my Mirror Mirror on the Wall. My lie detector.

If only he was as reliable when there's an altercation between himself and his seester....

Twitter. It's dead to me.

Twitter. Another word for WASTE MY TIME LIFE SUCKING DEVICE.

Because I'm a sucker for such devices, I signed up [because I didn't want to miss anything and be out of the loop, thereby making myself a loser blogger because I didn't know when other bloggers had gone to Target or drank a Caramel Macchiato or ate a pint of Ben & Jerry's] and promptly began neglecting it because' really? I don't care.

I really just don't care. The whole thing just makes me feel heavy and weighted down.

So about a week or two ago [I never really know how much time has passed], I tried to sign on so that I could just delete my account. I keep getting emails that soandso is now following me on Twitter, and I just think, poor fools, there's nothing to follow. Unless of course, someone hacked into my account (again) and there are some updates that I'm unaware of. Because like I was saying, I tried to sign on and it kept saying my signin/password were incorrect, so I contacted them for some technical support and the instructions they gave medidn't work.

Seems no one knows how to get me back in.

Doesn't matter though, because I have zero energy for twitter. I'm all tweeted out. If I could log on and update it today I'd probably say something like that... I'm all tweeted out. Peace Out. Shalomey Homies. And then I'd promptly delete my account.

But I can't do that. Because I can't log in.

I don't really have a clean way to wrap this up. I know a few of you were following me. Thank you for helping me to feel more popular, and I'm sorry there was never anything of consequence to follow.

This is my public announcement that I will be Twitter-ing no more. My official hasta luego, if you will.

And there ya have it.

Oui

I say no alot.

I've trained myself - to keep out pain, disappointment, hurt, rejection. I think we all know how that's turned out. And now what began with an enticing payoff has ended up costing me more than I like paying.

Still I hear myself saying it. Wanting to say it, and yet not wanting to say it, always wrestling.

I say no to my kids. No to myself. No to risk. No to intimacy. No to inconvenience and noise and stuff that make things messy. No to life.

I think though, that the part of me--the part that automatically, without thinking, says no--is on a slow train down a new track. There is something else in me, a far off voice saying yes...

I got some sweet cash for Christmas, and immediately started hunting down ways to spend it, because this girl loves stuff. I stumbled upon an Etsy store that became one of my major, major favorites. This girls jewelry looks like something from a fairy tale... something a woodland maiden (like me) would wear. One piece in particular though, grabbed me. I fell instantly in love. I saw it, I loved it. It's like we were meant to be together... me and Oui.

Photo: property of trystbykerry

Obviously I love it because it's French. I find that extremely charming. But beyond that, I get it. I know why I love it so. It reminds me of what to answer the invitations in my life with... invitations to play hard, and to do hard things.

Say yes, Jodie. No more of this Just Say No nonsense. Say oui.

That, and it's really, really pretty.

A Fluke

The strangest thing happened today. Trés bizarre.**

I was productive, and I mean, really productive. I got some stuff done.

I am, by nature, what one might call of the lazy persuasion. A slouch. I'd much rather sleep all day, only arising to ascertain something mighty delicious to chew or sip, and then go lay on the couch for a long nap afterwards.

That was not my day today. Or any day really. It's just what I aspire to.

Today though, was different from the usual strong résistance [say it with the accent] to get up from the computer chair. I didn't even sit in the chair until almost 11 and let me tell you, that is a feat. I couldn't sit though, because I had to get my house shipshape (or as they say in Danish, i fin orden) by noon because we were having a visitor--a contractor/builder-person-man who would do a walk-through, even into my bedroom.

[Just to illustrate the task set before me, let me tell you a quick story. Last week, I lost My Precious. Maybe you've seen it before? If you've seen me, you've seen it because I wear it almost as often as I wear my skin. My gray sweater coat. Lost it. I LOST IT! I called here and there and everywhere - even to places I KNEW I hadn't brought it because you know how you do that when you lose things. You lose your mind. Where, OH WHERE! could it be? What if it's gone forever?! I searched everywhere. You know where I finally found it? Mmhm, it was in my room. Buried deep beneath a mountainous mountain of other things.]

And so now you can clearly see what kind of pickin' up I had to be doin' in the span of 2 hrs. And I did it too! And you know what I thought about for the rest of the day? How good it felt to have such a clean house by noon.

I could've sat down all day, for the remainder of the afternoon, eatin' chips, and my house would've been fine. [Well... if I had tied up Puddin', that is, because that child is a MESS. I lost count of how many times I made him stop digging in the trash today. Or wiped up something he had spilled. He's like a little untrained puppy dog. If you've ever had one in your house, you know what I'm talking about. But dang, he's cute! ]

I did not sit down for the remainder of the day, though. Instead I decided to cook some stuff. Dinner was leftovers - some tasty vittles, too. So, I decided to try two new recipes. Homemade hot chocolate made with condensed milk hallelujah and amen, and I also tried my hand at marshmallows [or as I like to call them, Marthamallows].

I hope that tomorrow I can remember how good it felt to get all of that done today. But if that falls through, then maybe I can just settle for my "ideal day" as illustrated in paragraph three.

**And about all the French you're seeing here lately... I'm way smarter than y'all thought, huh? Or maybe I changed the settings? I really just wanted to see the date in French. The rest is lagniappe. They gave me that for free.**

Public Service Announcement

Y'all.

I went to WalMart this morning. I hate WalMart. But I can't stay away.

While there, I decided to peruse the women's clothing section. (Because I can never stay away from the Women's Clothing Section). Seems I'm always in need of new tops. Oddly enough, the Women's Top seems to be my fashion achilles heel. I can buy awesome Outerwear, Footwear and Accessories all day--no problem. The thing I always have a shortage of is good shirts. I was feeling pretty hopeless, like I had an innate inability to choose cute, affordable, well-fitted shirts. The only thing I felt confident buying was something very much like a gussied up t-shirt. Perhaps something with elbow length sleeves if I was going for "fancy".

And so I'm looking around, not finding much of anything. As usual. And then BAM! Out of nowhere I see this tiny section of CUTE shirts. I mean, these clothes were nice.

And nice is not usually my go-to word when I'm talking about the clothes at The Walmark.

Of course I don't love all of it, but I saw lots of stuff I'd like to have. Look at what I bought today. I think tomorrow I may go back for it in purple. WalMarks (with their trickery) won't let me copy their images, and so instead, I have to link to them. Crafty little devils.

The brand is called To The MAX.

Look for it. I mean, if you can tolerate long check-out lines, grim cashiers and a generally filthy store and parking lot, that is.

de janvier à décembre

I've said before that I'm bilingual. That I speak music. I think, rather, that the truth is that music speaks me.

This past year, as it is with every year, there are songs that fill the spaces in my mind and my heart. Songs that I hear God's voice in; songs that draw my voice from me.

And so, my year, in song... These words have been my anthem, and seeing them on paper, they seem to follow a theme.

de janvier à décembre

[Have I mentioned before that I love French? Because I do. I love French.]

[From the Inside Out - Hillsong United]
A thousand times I've failed
Still Your mercy remains And should I stumble again
I'm caught in Your grace
In my heart and my soul
Lord I give You control
Consume me from the inside out
And the cry of my heart
Is to bring You praise
From the inside out
Lord my soul cries out


[Shadowfeet - Brooke Fraser]
Walking, stumbling on these shadowfeet
Toward home, a land that I've never seen
I am changing
Less and less asleep
Made of different stuff than when I began


[You're Gonna Miss This - Trace Adkins]
Five years later there's a plumber workin' on the water heater
Dog's barkin', phone's ringin'
One kid's cryin', one kid's screamin'
And she keeps apologizin'
He says "They don't bother me.
I've got 2 babies of my own.
One's 36, one's 23.
Huh, it's hard to believe, but...

You're gonna miss this
You're gonna want this back
You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast
These are some good times
So take a good look around
You may not know it now
But you're gonna miss this


[Awakening - Switchfoot]
I want to wake up kicking and screaming
I want to wake up kicking and screaming
I want to know that my heart's still beating,
It's beating, I'm bleeding.
I want to wake up kicking and screaming
I want to live like I know what I'm leaving
I want to know that my heart's still beating,
Is beating, Is beating, It's beating, I'm bleeding


[Desire - Phil Wickham]
I’m running through the gates of love, as fast as I can
I can’t wait to see You 'cause I’m a desperate man
You made the light and sent it down
to show us who You are
Now it’s bursting out my heart
My desire is burning like a million stars
And I’ll keep reaching out, reaching out for You


[The Cut - Jason Gray]
My heart is laid
Under Your blade
As you carve out Your image in me
You cut to the core
But still you want more
As you carefully, tenderly ravage me
Mingling here
Your blood and my tears
As You whittle my kingdom away
But I see that you suffer, too
In making me new
For the blade of Love, it cuts both ways

And You peel back the bark
And tear me apart
To get to the heart
Of what matters most
I’m cold and I’m scared
As your love lays me bare
But in the shaping of my soul
They say the cut makes me whole

Hidden inside the grain
Beneath the pride and pain
Is the shape of the man
You meant me to be
Who with every cut now you try to set free
Come now, set me free


I'd like to see some more of this theme this year.

Less rules.
Less ceremony.
Less and less asleep.

More grace.
More desperation.
More whittling away of my kingdom.
More freedom.
More of the shape of the one I'm meant to be.

The Doctrine of Grace

If I had to choose one thing to really, truly GET, to have settled on my insides this year, this would be it.

“If the people do not like the doctrine of grace, give them all the more of it.”
—Charles H. Spurgeon

Because...

"Rules cannot bring freedom; they only have the power to accuse. It is true that relationships are a whole lot messier than rules, but rules will never give you answers to the deep questions of your heart and they will never love you."
—William P. Young