Lead the way and we'll precede.

I've not forgotten to tell you all about the interview that took place this morning. I am prepared to do just that. Well, semi-prepared, which is why this is going up instead... interview + pictures + links to listen will be up later!

My heart has a deep affection for people who butcher well-known clichés. Well, not so much the people, per se, but for their mangled malapropisms.

Years ago, I had a friend named Jeannie, who was hysterical all the time and I adored her. I wish I still knew her. She was truly one in a million, a diamond in the rust.

Once upon a time, Jeannie was married to a guy by the name of Mouse, who was constantly misquoting things. So much so that she wanted to write a book full of them and call it, Straight From the Mouse's Mouth. She's a genius, you say? I concur.

And now I'd like to share some of my favorite verbal blunders with you (some Mouse's, but mostly not because sadly, I cannot remember them):

• She is a real catch! A diamond in the rust. [rough]
  
• Here Dad, would you like to cut the eucalyptus cord? [umbilical] {This would be one of Mouse's gems - the only one I can recall.}
  
• Oh! It gives me the hydrostatics to such a degree! [hysterics]
• Why, murder's the matter! Slaughter's the matter! Killing's the matter! --but he can tell you the perpendiculars. [particulars]
• He had to use a fire distinguisher. [extinguisher]
• Be sure and put some of those neutrons on my salad. [croutons]
• My new coat has lots of installation. [insulation]
• He's a wolf in cheap clothing. [sheep's]
• We have just ended our physical year. [fiscal]
• What are you incinerating? [insinuating]
  

Have you heard any good ones? Do tell!! And please, use one today while you're out and about. Just for the fun of it!

In Preparation for my INTERVIEW Tomorrow

Excuse me while I have a little F R E A K O U T!

Success in contingent upon...

...your participation.

Without you, there is no game, and that is just sad. We all need word games people. Come on now! Rally your enthusiasm! Don't let the government succeed at dumbing us down!

Go ye into the world (or dictionary)(or thesaurus)(or your preferred search engine) and bring me back some gems!

Come on! It'll be fun!

Go now... go read some books.

I Yam What I Yam

I hereby retract my statement that Sweet Potato ice cream is a comfort food. After 4 bowls in 2 days, I was anything but comfortable.

You know how your Grandma used to warn you about eating sweet potatoes while nursing because it was gonna give that baby the cramps? She wasn't kidding.

I am not saying that I'm writing it off entirely, and will never eat it again. That would be ludicrous. I do not exercise that much control over tasty foods. What I am saying is this:

Don't overdo it folks -- it will make you pay.

May I Have A Word? | Chapter 2

That's what I've decided to call the new word game.

And it's that time again, so serve 'em up!

I will attempt to have these up on Mondays from here on out, which gives me the week to work in the vocabulations. Today is Tuesday, which doesn't matter in the slightest. I'll work in the words anyhow, and next week, I'll set it to post on time.

BIDNESS: Instead of linking by way of naming the person who gave each word,
I will now link your site to the actual word (like I did in the previous post).
Thank you for calling. If you have any questions, please dial information.

THANK YOU for playing...

Now, may I have a word?

Multi-Topical and Disjointed: Welcome to my head. Let me show you around.

Pneumonia: The name of the thing that seized my poor Puddin', and attempted to consume us all this week -- also the reason behind my being, well, behind in the word game, and many, many other things.

Sweet Potatoes: Used to make me hungry for November--now makes me hungry for ice cream: Sweet Potato Pie ice cream... the name of one of many things that brought us comfort this week. Thank GOD for comfort! 'Cause sometimes life is hard, y'all.

In other unrelated news,
I made an interesting discovery during our stint. I am not of the [jentacular] sort, unless, of course, coffee counts as breakfast, and in most states, it does not.

Jentacular -- Of or pertaining to a breakfast taken early in the morning,
or immediately on getting up.

However, if in the hospital, I am otherwise persuaded. See, they serve up blueberry muffins with bacon, and also, ham & cheese omelets with bacon. At home, however, laziness (my very own) serves up coffee alone... and the brewing is completely Stretch's doing. All I do is mix it how I like it. Coffee is my "bre-fryst" (as Sweet Pickle says it--which I think is infinitely better than the original). The moral of the story: If you cook it, I will eat it.

In other, other unrelated and disjointed news,
I recently had the pleasure of sharing a new word with my BFF. I learned that one of her favorite scents, the smell of rain, is called [petrichor]. I really like that word.

Petrichor -- "Smell of rain". Petrichor (from Greek petros, "stone" + ichor)
is the name of the scent of rain on dry earth.

Also, I just found a sneaky little Diet Coke hiding in the back of the fridge. Today will be a good day. Amen.

Oblivious + Idiot = Obliviot

Yesterday I took all three of the kids to Target. (I appreciate your compassion.) Halfway through loading all of our items onto the conveyor belt (which leaves me with half a cart full of other items, in case you're doing the math), a guy with a large suitcase pulls up next in line. He takes his massive luggage and plunks it onto the belt.

Are you kidding? I still have HALF A CART FULL HERE, buddy. Wanna move your luggage?

No, he doesn't. He doesn't even try to keep it from moving forward. I have to unload at mach speed to ensure I have enough space to put my things down. The check-out girl looks at him and then back at me and gives me a look that says, "Is he for real?" And with my eyes, I say, "What is happening here?"

We communicate with our eyes, me and Check-Out Girl. She feels me.

My arms were moving so fast, getting the last of my loot on the belt, that they were a blur to anyone passing by. I was practically The Flash. (Except that for me, the speed was crippling, and when I was done, I was enfeebled.)

As I'm loading my bags into my cart, no lie, the guy plops this gigantic thing onto the tiny table (where you write your checks) and FLIPS IT OPEN! Oh. Yes, he did. And you know what happened? He knocked my groceries onto the floor at this poor girl's feet.

Me and Check-Out Girl? Our eyes are BUGGING OUT! "Can you believe this guy?!"

Not one apology, y'all. Not even a nonchalant, "my bad". NOTHING. Not a sound. Not even a grunt from this apparent caveman who is not accustomed to coming out into society where OTHER PEOPLE LIVE.

Unbelievable.

And every word of it, true.

Fount Drivel. The fount of never-ceasing overflow, apparently.

Oh look! I found another lost and forgotten almost-post. How very fortunate!

What is the weirdest food you've ever eaten? Doesn't that vary according to geographical location? I mean, I eat crawfish which is not weird to me, but I won't touch grasshoppers or sheep gizzard which may be a delicacy in other countries. Weird is relative. However, in my own opinion, I think maybe the strangest thing I've eaten is kangaroo or shark, or snail.

If you were to perform in the circus, what would you do? I'd like to do the thing with the long fabrics, where you're dangling from the ceiling. If I could do that, it would mean that I was strong. And lean.

Not to mention strong.

And lean.

What article of clothing most closely describes your personality? Eaaazzzyyy. My gray sweater coat.

Who was your favorite teacher and why? Ms. Short. Or as we called her, Lt. Short. She was my English teacher, and also my Advanced Comp teacher. I have two favorite things about her. One was that every day she gave us a new Word of the Day. And maaannn, I love me some words.

The other thing was this philosophy: Show, don't tell.

This woman has shaped my life in ways that she could never know. I'd love to know her again. She was brilliant. She grew up in Pennsylvania, came from a military background and was not Catholic like most everybody else in our tiny Catholic school. She was different in every way, and I loved her for it.

Still do.

What makes you feel the most secure? Family togetherness I think.

If you had a CB radio, what would your "handle" be? Didn't even have to think about this one...

Pegacorn.

Actually, you can call me that now if you want.

Even if we're not communicating via CB radio.

Which, I don't know how we could be, seein' as I don't HAVE a CB radio. (And it's not on my wishlist, either.)

I do like that name though. I like it a great deal. I'd like to adopt it as a nick. It would undoubtedly top the list... or at least come in second, just under Jedi.

Other than material things, what do you constantly think about? What to feed my family. Which I'm not entirely sure, but that may qualify as a material thing.

What is one of the strangest southern expressions (or other idiomatic expressions) you have ever heard? My personal favorite by far, is: Well, ain't this a fine howdy doo!


Now it's your turn. Fire away.

Because why do now what you can put off until you completely forget about it?

A long day ago, (as Sugarhead says), Mama Belle passed on this award to me.

{Remember that M.B.? Because I totally forgot until I found this draft.}

10 honest things about me...

1. When I incurred this injury last December, my toes were NOT polished.
I quickly realized, however, due to all the pain (OH GRACIOUS! THE PAIN!) that I would not be able to put that thing in a real shoe and I'd have to wear flip-flops to church, on the day of our Christmas production, in which I had a cameo appearance.

It's just like that old saying goes, "Nothing says Christmas quite like flip-flops and the smell of balsam pine".

Stretch gave the last call, "Y'all ready?" and I was all, "I'll be there in a second..." because I was busy polishing my toes mere minutes before Go Time. I am nothing if not vain.

2. Sometimes I think I'd like to pierce my lip (something dainty on the side) but I don't think it would be well-received, and also, (and more importantly) I am a wuss. And a sissy. Plus it doesn't really match all of my cottage-y décor.

3. People think I can make anything, but that's not true. I made clothespin angels with the kids that totally looked like dragonflies. I made them for the sole purpose of being hung on the wall above our Nativity. Y'all all remember the dragonflies coming to visit the sweet baby Jesus right? Yeah, well, they did. Y'all just weren't there to see it.

4. I love the word stupid. What else would you call this?

5. I do not like being publicly recognized, for anything. It embarrasses me and makes me covet the ability to evaporate (but then secretly still be in the room to hear all the nice things people wanted to say about me... because despite my neurosis, I'm always dying to know what people think of me.)

6. I'm honest, and I'm okay with that... because even if it means you might get mad at me, it still makes for the most authentic relationships.

7. I am guilty of looking more at the darkness than at the stars, despite my massive blog title up yonder.

8. Whenever I take quizzes, I tend to fall smack in the middle. Right or Left-Brained? I use both equally. (Secretly though, I wish to be right-brained). Introvert or Extrovert? 56% Intro, and I'm glad to be more intro than extro. Anyway, that's just a lil' [lagniappe].

Lagniappe -- something thrown in, gratis, for good measure.

[Thanks for that word, Mike. You chose something I actually knew!]

9. I have a general distrust of people who live in trailer parks. Stupid and short-sighted perhaps, but there it is.

And finally, 10. I wrote a book, which will land me some spots on radio talking about my book. The whole thing just makes me freak out a little and reach for my deodorant. See number 5.

I'm Published! Now, go ye and make us rich!

A Review: The Night I Went to a Dance Revue

In today's post you will find these words, proffered for such a time as this
by Rachel and Jackie, whom I adore.
Good words, girls. Who knew they'd fit my week so neatly?

Demarche -- A course of action; a maneuver.

Cancatervate -- To heap into a pile.

Mulligrubs -- Ill temper; colic; grumpiness.

And now, our story.

Approximately one and one half weeks ago, my friend Cassie and I made plans to attend a dance revue together (which I referred to in an email as a dance "review").

I hang my head in shame even now.

The day of the revue (which I will never ever misspell again, ever, in addition to the word "reservoir" which may or may not have stymied my taking STATE in the '89 (or was it '90?) Spelling Bee) arrived yesterday. Plans began to fall through around three o'clock in the p.m. Stretch would have to work late so I needed a new [demarche] for childcare. Yeeha.

After casting my net for a sitter in the form of a text message blast, I came up empty. My friend Angela, who'd come over that morning for a visit/play date, offered to come back and watch the kids for me so that I could keep my date. {She's a diamond in the rust.}

The plan of action: she'd go home, get her kids bathed and fed and come back, while I did the same here.

I began filling the tub to start baths and noticed the water pressure was low. I walked out to take care of other things (which I can't recall now) and when I returned, it was down to just a trickle, so I shut it off and proceeded to [cancatervate] the children into the tub and scrub them down in just a few inches of water.

A bath is a bath.

Having spent the day laying in the sun, my skin was not ready for the public. It was overladen (read: overloaded) with layer upon layer of Banana Boat Dark Tanning Oil. Hate the feeling, love the scent. The point though, was that there was no way I could show up to the revue (not "review" you dork) like that. And I had no running water. It was so uncivilized.

Suddenly, I remembered those three gallons of water that I'd purchased last year for hurricane season, that were still sitting under the carport. There are days when being a pack rat pays off. This, being one of them.

So with a gallon of water, I:

• Brushed my teeth.
• Wet a wash cloth and gave myself a quick, make-shift gypsy bath to knock the stank off, which there was plenty of.
• Wet, washed and rinsed my filthy head - which is extremely difficult to do with a jug of water that you're trying to reserve... because it was my last. (I'd already used up the other two.) Midway through the rinse, I set the jug down on the side of the tub, but instead of setting it down flat, I put in on the towel I had draped over the side, and then in all my klutzy glory, I knocked it over onto the floor, and watched 1/4 of my last gallon of water flood the floor behind my toilet. Wunderbar.
• Enter full-blown mulligrubs, rightly defined as ill-temper, colic and grumpiness. I was heavily afflicted with all three, with the exception of the colic.
  

It's now 5 o'clock, and Angela will be here at 5:30. My kids? Hungry. My hair? In a towel on my head. The house? Utter chaos. Meanwhile, I'm having to make some calls to get help with our water sit-chee-ation. Our neighbor? Offshore. Our other neighbor? Not home from work yet, but his bride say's she'll have him stop by on his way home. "Oh good! Thank you!"

Angela arrives and kids kick energy into maximum for game of indoor hide-n-seek. Super.

Meanwhile, I'm attempting to fix my hair (which I officially suck at) and walk out to answer the phone. Puddin' wanders into the bathroom (of course he does) and wraps his tiny hand around my very hot curling iron. My next move is swift -- to the kitchen to slather his little fingers with butter (because I remember reading somewhere that that takes the sting out of burns, but he's allergic to dairy, so I sure hope he doesn't have some sort of awful reaction to it on his skin).

The next series of events unfolds something like this:

• remember first aid kit in car and rummage until finding burn gel
• neighbor shows up to look at well
  
• feel embarrassed, out of control, and guilty for having to leave this mess with my house full of people that don't live here
• people total upon departure: 11
  
• supposed to meet friends at 6:15
• the next time i look at the time, it's 6:25 and I'm still at home.
• leave home when revue is starting
• Insanity. Insanity. Insanity.

I think I started breathing normally again somewhere around 7:30 or so. After the REVUE, we went for coffee. I had a steamed milk with vanilla. That, and the sweet girl time, was just what the doctor ordered.