A Medley of Announcements

When I see the word medley

I think of cafeteria food.

If this post that I'm offering up today were a school lunch,

this is what would be on the MENU 
[which I used to think was pronounced me-new... 
being a WordGirl is something 
that has developed over time]. 

Salsbury Steak

The flava has returned to my mouth!  Ha-lay-lou-juh. [pronounced with a J sound, not a Y, cause it's funner to say that way.] [No, funner is not a word, but funner is funner to say than more fun.]

Mashed Potatoes & Gravy

My foot is still bothering me.  It hurts across the top, where all the lil' bones are.  I find that it feels better when I tippy toe than when I'm flat footed.  What does that mean, do ya think?

Dinner Roll

I've been listening to 100 Portraits again for the first time in years.  About 9 of them.  Years, that is.  It is so good that I rarely want to hear anything else.  Do you get fixated on music that way, too?  I am fixated, except for right this instant, because I'm listening to Pandora and they do not have a 100 Portraits station.  What is this world coming to is what I have to say about that.

Vegetable Medley

(corn, peas and green beans)

For a long time when I'd ask if he wanted to potty on the big potty Puddin' would say, "No, I tiny baby." He is now starting to use the potty and is pretty proud of himself.  [Part of the excitement is getting to "thlush" when he's all done.] 

Also, how can the summer be enjoyed when it's too hot to even walk outside?  Right now it's breezy out there which amounts to this: It was already hot as HECK, but then someone went and turned on a fan heater.  Sitting out there makes you wish you had an internal sprinkler system installed.

Lastly,
I just heard this line: 

Oh LORD, God of our fathers
this day let it be known
That you Lord, are God of the present tense.

I love that.

That's it for today.

I hope you enjoyed your meal.
Come Again!

Fakebook Update

There is no joy to be found 

in eating when you can't taste anything.   

What will bring back my ability to taste?  

Benadryl?   

Zyrtec?  

Nope.  

Neither.  

Got any suggestions?  

I'm eating at P.F. Chang's tomorrow 

and it would be enormously sad 

if I couldn't taste my lettuce wraps.

How do I fix this problem STAT?

Fakebook

Hello, Lovelies!  Today I want to talk about Facebook, and how I really miss Facebook sometimes.  Like really really.  Occasionally I just feel like I want to post a status update, so what I've decided I'll do is to just post them here as I feel the itch.

Like now, for instance.

And from now on, I'll just be calling these my Fakebook Status Updates.  Here goes.

Title: A Desperate Situation

(Oh yeah, and I might post Titles to my Updates 

((like the title of a poem)), 

especially when I'm feeling extra fancy.)

PETA PETA Punkin' Eata 
is so concerned about the conditions of the wildlife in the Gulf 
because the situation is so unfortunate.  

They should see the fish at Wal-Mart.   

Feel free to Like and Comment at will. 

Thanking you in advance.

Changing the Face of the Barnyard, Pixar is.

There are myriad reasons why Puddin' could have easily been nicknamed The Cuteness.

myriad (mr-d): 
Constituting a very large, indefinite number; innumerable

Let me exampilate:

Puddin': Mama, duck shay? 

Mama: Quack Quack

Puddin': Uhhhhh,  cow shay?

Mama: Moooooooo!

Puddin': Horse shay?

Mama: (I can't spell that one 

but you just gon' hafta believe me, 

I do a pretty good horse sound.)  

Oh!  I have one!  What does a donkey say?

Puddin': Get out o' me swamp!

Cat-Like Reflexes, I Have Not -and- It Can Always Be Worse

I went to church this morning to drop the kids off at day camp.  To get to our final destination-o-fun though, we had to complete a maze. 

From this room up those stairs into that room then the next room then down those stairs on through the next room into this pitch black backstage alleyway, and finally onto the main stage.   Getting my bearings straight and my eyes readjusted to the lighting, I stepped down onto the steps leading down to the main floor and ---  That wasn't the steps!!! 

o
h

c
r
a
p

is what I said!

I twisted my ankle and brush-burned my knee. 

From a medical standpoint, 

I think it's either bruised or sprained or both,

whichever one garners me the most sympathy.  

The auditorium was packed to the brim with people: grown folk and chi'ren folk.  Thankfully the Children's Pastor came out just then and started amping the kids up about camp, causing a welcome distraction from the lady on the floor.  Truly though, I was in so much pain I had little room left for embarrassment.

People rushed to my aid and gave me ibuprofen and ice, then I went off and licked my wounds.

The only thing that could've made things worse is if I'd been wearing a skirt (because that did cross my mind as an outfit possibility this morning).  That and if I'd knocked out some teeth.

Half-naked fashion + toothless.

Like a redneck family reunion.  Yeah, that's definitely worse.

The Night I Made It to the Big Time

So last night I was at Barnes & Noble but I wasn't buying a new journal as you might suspect, which is what normally brings me there.  I was building my fame.

By the way,
Why do people have so much trouble 

pronouncing Barnes & Noble?  

Barnes & Nobles?  Barne & Noble?  

People are all confused about the crooked letter.

Throws 'em off.  In the 

mispronunciation department, 

it's up there with Wal-Mart.  Think about it.

I was invited to a New Authors Book Signing Night-O-Fame Celebratory Convention  (key words: book signing and fame) and I think it is an understood thing in all cultures that when Barnes and Noble calls, you go! There were 8 authors invited altogether.  One of the local news channels (Channel 3/KATC - for all my local yocals - whatup Marcelle Fontenot?!  Call me!  Actually, don't call me.  You'll just make me nervous.) came out to cover it and I had a cameo appearance on the 10 o'clock news last night!  It's like I'm famous now.

I was the one over the shoulder of the guy they were interviewing...but clearly it was ME they were showcasing.  He was just a decoy.

Obviously.

I only sold (1), BUT I had a good time and also, I felt pretty 'cause I had gotten all gussied up and I smelled really good, so all was not lost.  (When somebody smells the perfume or cologne, we like to say they "smell the ha-na-na".)

Plus, I was on the news and I was invited to a book signing AT BARNES & NOBLE!  And I was on the news.

So I think that means I made it to the Big Time.

Public Service Announcement: 

To order my book online, and thereby increase my growing fame (yes please!), click here or here, please and thank you!  Exclamation point!