The Lunatic Squirrel Meets Jesus

I never leave home without a notebook.  Just in case.  I have hundreds upon hundreds of links bookmarked on my computer so that I have them if I should ever need them.  I do occasionally go back and use those ideas but the ones that I don't are legion.  Yet I keep collecting.  The fear of needing them nips at my heels.    

Don't stop or it's going to get you.

Like a [deranged] squirrel, I gather.  I'm a constant gatherer.  If life were a big tabletop, I'd lean over as far as I could, spread my arms out wide and sweep as much information as I could grasp, pulling it into my belly, heaping it upon my feet.

And then I'd secretly panic
about what was left on the table, 

because what if those things
were the ones I'd really need later on?
It's better to have and not need than need and not have,
the voice reminds me.

Is it though?

In my zeal, I gather gather gather
(MUSTN'T. 

STOP. 

GATHERING.) 

leaving little time for application, little time to enhance the lives around me.  How can you stop and apply it when there is more information to be had?  What if you miss something important?  Then what'll happen to you?  Adding to the trouble is that my mind seems to work like a sieve, retaining way less than I can be comfortable with.  The stress works against me.  The more I depend on myself to not be forgetful, the more forgetful I become. 

What is left only makes me panicky about what has left.  

How does one relax in such a state?  How does one "loosen up" so as not to fret so much about getting more? About getting enough? About getting the right things?  And also, what's driving this madness?

FEAR.  It's a she-witch.

She whispers lies.

You're in charge of making sure you get it.

You better get it right the first time.

Your mistakes will ruin you... will ruin them.

But not Jesus. 

My sure hand is beneath you, just as surely as it is beneath your children.

Don't worry.  I know what you need before you even ask.

Take my hand, and I will guide you into all the truth there is.
Great grace is covering you. 
Peace, be still.

His sweet words are like a hug, making me free to breathe again, to ease up a bit and to believe the truth that He's working day and night making me into what I ought to be. It's not up to me to find and implement the exact equation of information to ensure that I am who and where I need to be... All I have to do is to believe the love, because I'm already accepted in the beloved.  I don't have to fix myself.  And that's exactly the thing the heart of this lunatic squirrel needs to be storing away.

meanwhile + a guessification and also some announcements

This song is sort of what's keeping me away for so long.

If I were to prognosticate, (which I am), I'd say I'll be back somewhere in the space of the next 8 to 10 weeks or so.  Just speculation though; a feeling in the bones.  (Which may or may not mean anything.)

Oh, and a few announcements:

 + I'm no longer on Facebook.  I deactivated this week... I've felt for a long while now that I needed to lay that down but tried other methods instead, like cutting back, because I can quit anytime I want, gosh!  Except that I couldn't, in fact, and kept being sucked back in within a matter of days, so I decided to drop it like it's hot.  In ya face, Facebook!

 + The other thing is this: 

A while back I changed Post a Comment to People Love Me and I've come to regret that word choice - only now I've gone and disremembered how I did it so I have no way of going back and undoing it.  

My search, thus far, has been feckless so maybe I will one day be so fortunate as to find how I got myself into this pickle in the first place and correctify my actions.  

Anyyyray...

Everything rides on hope now.