Man, I don't know NOTHIN'!

It's a big, big world, and every day I'm quizzed on how much I know. I should've paid better attention in school. Apparently even if you don't go into a particular career field, if you have children, you are called on TO KNOW STUFF every. single. day. Such as:

Mama,
Why are volcanos so hot?

How big is a rocket?

How many people can fit in a rocket?

Do meteors fall into other planets, too? Not just the earth?

Mom, are we in gravel right now? Me: You mean gravity? Him: Uggghhh! (Covers face forcefully with hands in exasperation.) No! That stuff that makes you not float away. Me: Yeah. Gravity. Yeah baby, we're in gravity right now.

Why are volcanos so big? Why did God make them so big? Why do they go all the way up into the clouds?

But Mama, (more stress in the voice this time), what makes them so HOT?

Is a meteor this big (he holds up his hands and forms a circle with his fingers)? Are they bigger than our car? Are they as big as our house? Do they have fire on 'em?

Mom, I want to go to heaven right now to meet the dinosaurs. How long is it gonna be until I go to heaven? (crying) Why is it gonna take so long? I want to go right now! (I know honey. Me, too.)

Mama, what does God's voice sound like?

What would happen if lightning hit our car?

Mama, why do people study volcanos? Can we go see one? Have you ever seen a volcano? Are volcanos real? What would happen if when the people are inside to study a volcano, what would happen if it erupted? Can we go see a volcano? I want to go see inside one right now.

What would happen if the planets ran into each other? Would it make 'em crack open? And then all of the people would be floatin' in space?

Seriously, all of these questions were asked of me this morning, with the exception of the one about God's voice. {He asked me that while we were on the snack aisle (between the chips and the gum) at Wal-Mart about a week and a half ago.}

Sometimes my brain gets tired. (Ya think?)
I am a tired Supergirl.

When he was 3, in the full-blown "why's", I said to him one day while driving, "Baby, you just have to stop asking me questions for a little while. Mama's tired. My brain hurts." His response to me? "But Mama, I can't stop. I still have too much voice in my mouth."

So now he's 5. And the questions? They just keep coming. They're relentless. (Like Mondays.) And I just want to hold his little face between my hands and say "Sweetheart. Dear boy. You are a precious, precious child. But ya Mama?... She don't know nothin'!"

But how could I do that. All of his life, I've been telling him that I'm smart. He believes me.

And I just can't shatter him like that.

Anybody else ridin' this crazy bus?

I have a secret identity (crisis).

A few things that have recently made my heart happy.

• a big yard for the kids and dog to run and play
• our sweet, little house
  
• my chi flat iron
• happy children
• ice cream cake
• my husband is now a full-blown nerd (which I like very much indeed)
  
• having almost all of my family & my husband's family at our home together to celebrate Puddin'
• our trampoline that our sweet neighbor's gave us a while back
• wasp spray
• thinking about our upcoming trip to NY
• Puddin's walking now (and eating less off the floor)

What about you? Anything making your heart happy lately?

...and now with the super-power of SIGHT!

He can see so well it's almost like he can see through stuff!

And look good doin' it too! He be lookin' right!
A little bit white and nerdy. Just how I like him.

Mr. Roboto

Sweet Pickle is lovin' his new robot shirt. I'm pretty stoked with the way it turned out, too. (And check out his new shoes... the boy's got style!)

In true form:

Puddin' Turns 1

Happy Birthday little sugar. We all love you so much. You are a dear, sweet boy; such a beautiful addition to our family. I believe I speak for us all when I say, we're thrilled that you are one of us.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow you all the days of your life;
and you will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.
Psalm 23:6

I want to go a-treasure hunting in Manhattan!

Anybody know any sweet spots in the Manhattan area of NY to thrift shop? We're going in about a year. (Maybe a year and a half.)

Clearly, I like to plan ahead.

And ya know, let my brain simmer (and my mouth water) for a while.

If you've been there/live there/know someone who lives/used to live there or one time heard of someone who thought about maybe going there, and you know of some places with treasures (especially of the fashion kind), please share what you know. Any favorite spots. Book stores, places to eat, sight seeing, etc. But most importantly, vintage fashion on the cheap.

Just trying to do my homework. You understand.

And I figured the best place to do homework is to pick the brains of my homegirls. Okay, I don't really say homegirls. It's not at all part of my venacular. But dawgs, or peeps doesn't make for interesting word play with the word homework. (And on second thought, perhaps neither does homegirls.)

Well obviously this day has caused my brain to turn to mush. Or something very much like it.

Feel free now to share your learned secrets of Manhattan. I promise to keep 'em just between us. Because you & me, we tight, homeslice.

Alllriigggghhhhht. Enough already.

Please, please advise! With links if possible. Thank you thank you thank you!

All Else But God

When is the time to trust?
Is it when all is calm,
When waves the victor's palm,
And life is one glad psalm
Of joy and praise?
No! For the time to trust
Is when the waves beat high,
When storm clouds fill the sky,
And prayer is one long cry,
"Oh, help and save!"

When is the time to trust?
Is it when friends are true?
Is it when comforts woo,
And in all we say and do
We meet but praise?
No! For the time to trust
Is when we stand alone,
And summer birds have flown,
And every prop is gone,
All else but God.

When is the time to trust?
Is it some future day,
When you have tried your way,
And learned to trust and pray
By bitter woe?
No! For the time to trust
Is in this moment's need,
Poor, broken, bruised reed!
Poor, troubled soul, make speed
To trust your God.

When is the time to trust?
Is it when hopes beat high,
When sunshine gilds the sky,
And joy and ecstacy
Fill all the heart?
No! For the time to trust
Is when our joy has fled,
When sorrow bows the head,
And all is cold and dead,
All else but God.

Rest assured that if God waits longer than we desire, it is simply to make the blessings doubly precious.

excerpted from Streams in the Desert

Saving marriages one shredded piece of paper at a time.

I am a poor filer. I leave vital information in stacks around our house for weeks. (Okay, months.) I am a bad, bad girl.

You may shriek aloud. If you must.

Cartoon by Dave Walker. Find more cartoons you can freely re-use on your blog at We Blog Cartoons.

That cartoon speaks the truth. It lieth not.

Like my forefather before me, I cannot tell a lie.

(Somebody stop me.)

Recently though, the sun (sweet mercy) shone down on my wretchedness and this dark, dark night of my soul. It came in the form of a Martha magazine, which coughed up this tasty nugget. Document-Retention Guidelines.

Well, gracious sakes alive! I'm saved!

Seeing how this has been so beneficial to me (and may well be saving my marriage, because everyone has their limits [bad record-keeping is Stretch's]), I figured, Hey! Pass it on. Pay it forward. So, here you go.

And now it seems more possible to get to the bottom of the pile(s) and keep them down, bennis there's so much less to file.

I had been hanging onto things from the 90s. Apparently I am nothing if not a trash collector very, very thorough.

Do you concur?

I concur.

Clearing the Air (and my conscience)

I've got something that's been weighing on me that I feel like I need to address. A few weeks ago (in June), I did a post called Gratitude/Really Good News. The original post contained one thing that I went back and edited to explain, and then later went back and completely deleted.

What's bothering me is that I may have offended someone with what I wrote. In the post, I listed "The suicide rate is higher among girls who have had breast implants" (something to that affect) as Really Good News. In my mind, it sounded funny and light. Not because I think suicide is laughable, (because I don't think that at all). To me, it was like, Ha! Less to compete with. That's funny stuff.

Well, it's been weeks since that post and it's been eating at me. So sincerely, if I offended you, please forgive me. That was totally not my intention. I would never post anything mean-spirited. I hoped that people would understand my style of humor. This is for the people that didn't. Please accept my sincere apology.

Thank you.

Visions of wrapping packages dance in my head!

It's no secret that I have a small love for gift wrap. My love for paper and baubles to tie onto packages is deep and wide.

Well I found some G R E A T N E S S of the paper variety this week. I'm gonna share it with you because I'd like to furnish the world with love.

You're welcome.

Here are some of my favorites. I tried to narrow it down more than this, really I did. But I could not.

Retta Le Ritz
Buttons Gift Wrap (Lurve it)

Whimsy Press
There are 2 pics per pattern because it's, YES, REVERSIBLE!!!
Paper Invaders (Oh tiny invaders, I had love y'all, yeah?!)


Wasabi (Ohsodelicious!)


Also available, rubber cord for dude wrap & cute little pom pom ribbon for the girlies. Tasty, huh?


Also, Seltzer Goods
...has the coolest, most perfect notebooks. Look! You can take notes and fight cavities at the same time!


And who couldn't use a little beans and rice wrapping paper? I could use it! I'll tell you that right now!

Now surely you can see why I couldn't keep these little gems to myself. Somebody may be running around frantically in search of dude wrap and southern cooking wrapping paper! I gotta do my part people. Gotta do my part.

Refinement. Class. Delicacy and Elegance.

Other things I learned in Finishing School. You know, aside from my nice, tinkling laugh.

The school has since been shut down.

For obvious reasons, no?

Is there no limit to the shame I willingly bring onto myself?

**Edited: It should be noted that these are children's goggles. Hence the upturned nose, general squishiness of the face, and squinty eyes. Thank you.

Creation.

I edited the title of this post. My very perceptive husband pointed out to me that this wasn't Brotherly Love like I had first thought, but actually Motherly Love. I decided to call this photo Creation because to me, it is reminiscent of a certain Micaelangelo piece.

(You like that? How I sound like an art connoisseur?)

(Yeah, but I had to look up how to spell connoisseur. I was way off!)

So um, does this new title come with a trophy? Perhaps?

I've been a domestic person of late. Last week, I washed curtains.

(pause for effect)

I think because of that singular act, my new title should be, Homemaker Deluxe. I might even get me a gold bracelet and have it engraved, so that I can look legit.

And if that weren't enough, this week I sewed some stuff. And embroidered some other stuff.

There are lots of sweet new babies coming into the world, and I've been busy whipping up baby goodies. Those are my particular favorite kind of goodies to whip up. (And also things containing chocolate.) So much fun! I have a hard time knowing when to stop! (Baby goodies and chocolate.)

My very funny and totally awesome friend, Meeke, just had a baby girl, and my AH-mazing friend, Cassie, is due for TWIN GIRLS in about 6 weeks. I love newborns! I'm so thrilled to meet all of the babies (and smell them)!

So, this is what I've done thus far:

(Ha! Thus.)

One onesie and one Diaper/Wiper case for Miss Gabrielle Rose. (Cheers and applause!)


Two onesies and one Diaper/Wiper case each - for Ava and Leia. (Don't you love their names?) I love the popsicles.


Fabric close-ups for their pouches. (Try not to covet my outstanding photography skillz. I know they're totally ROCKIN'!)


Next in line, boy stuff! My 'nother friend whom I love, Apple, is about to have a sweet baby boy, so I get to do some boy onesies. I'm thinking about maybe a neck tie, a robot and possibly some chemistry beakers, or a calculator. Something cute and nerdy. I can't wait to see how they turn out!

With my new title and everything (Homemaker Deluxe), you may find that you have higher expectations of me now. So here's what I'll do. I'll leave y'all with some stellar homemaking quotes (when I manage to remember), since I'm now legit and everything.

Remember, I washed curtains.

(clears throat)

(Enter Announcer Voice)

And now for your domestic quote of the day:

"Housework done incorrectly still blesses your family."

Amen to that, huh?
And a good day to ya, one and all!!

Mommy!

Is there anything more painful than stubbing a toe?

How about stubbing three toes at once.

(draws sharp breath in and stifles scream)

My, don't you look lovely today! (See? I'm already being nicer.)

It's been a while since I last mentioned ballet. The class that was being offered at the gym is now on hiatus. Until possibly September.

It's like they don't even have a conscience. To get people all amped up on something and then take it away. That only creates problems.

I've been all destitute and everything without it. In the meantime, I've done a little research. (You know, I googled some stuff.)

I started by looking up "how to improve balance". Because like I've said before, I wobble. Stop laughing. It's very pretty. I found a good article though, and learned some stuff. The more I read about ballet, the more my confidence grew. Seems that even if you weren't "born a natural", you could still develop greatness. I like that. It lifts my heart again.

Also. Did you know that there is information available to all the people about this: How to Act Like a Ballet Dancer? That particular article was possibly the most insightful.

Here are the highlights. For me anyway.

And I quote:
This article should, maybe, be called:"How to Seem Like A Ballet Dancer".
[[I didn't bother correcting the typos. (Even though I want to real bad.)
(Yes, I know that's not grammatically correct.) I left it in its original form so as not to take away from the author's um, realness.]]

1. Wear your hair in a bun or ponytail all lot.
2. Try to act more mature and gracefull.
3. Be nice.
4. Wear nice shades of makeup, whatever matches your outfit.
5. Try to develop a nice, tinkling laugh.
6. Maybe buy some nice-smelling perfume.
7. Give people clear, interesting gazes.
8. Act more bewildered/confused/upset/happy about something. Well, just act more emotional in general.
9. Get a cat.
10. Grow flowers.

Grow flowers?
A nice, tinkling laugh? (I have more of a guffaw/cackle. It's loud and low-class.)

(Learned it in Finishing School.)

Clear, interesting gazes? Oh. You mean like this?


Wow. Ballet is painful to learn.

Look! I won a prize! (Alternate title: I feel all fancy.)

Sarah (at Life in the Parsonage), whom I may now have to call Sweet Thang, is so smart. And very astute. She really has an eye for greatness. I mean, that girl can spot it.

You wanna know how I know?

She picked me for a prize. An award.

I'm all a-fluster. I have been awarded the:

Premio Arte y Pico

I know. The what? The Premier Art of Pico Sauce? I mean, I DO have a deep and abiding love for pico sauce, but what's that got to do with blawging? Turns out it means Art and Peak.

So. I went to the site of the award's origin (because I'm a scholar and stuff) and this is what I found. Here is part of the Welcome message I read there. The original is Spanish, which of course was useless to me.

Since I no peekey panti.

There's an option to have the page translated. I was happy to partake of that service. Merci Beaucoup, very obliging Google service.

This is a loose translation of the author's vision for the Arte y Pico blog:

The idea came to see things as beautiful in the network of bloggers true artisans.
Here by publishing what I see, what I like about each blog, magazines, tutorials and everything that is interesting for all that are dedicated to crafts. I enjoy the site and feel at ease and at home.

This award is such an honor. Sarah, you are a doll face! I feel like the Tether Ball star player or something else really cool. You have flattered me today. And I thank you.

And now, I will spread this happy feeling and make the world a better place.

You're welcome. I do what I can.

First the rules, and then I will hand out my awards. And in Sarah's words: Before I pass this one along, I thought I should let you know that I think this is just a pretty lady, dressed up in a fab dress, who happens to be wearing wings...and not an actual angel, because according to the Bible she would need to be a big masculine he to indeed be a real angel.

Rules:
1) You have to pick 5 (or you know, some) blogs that you consider deserve this award-- creativity, design, interesting material, and also contributes to the blogger community, no matter the language.

2) Each award has to have the name of the author and also a link to his or her blog to be visited by everyone.

3) Each award-winning, has to show the award and put the name and link to the blog that has given her or him the award itself.

4) Award-winning and the one who has given the prize have to show the link of " Arte y pico "blog , so everyone will know the origin of this award.

5) To show these rules.

I choose to excite, with all of this excitement, these exciting blawgers:

Sue at Confessions of a Tired Supergirl - I love to read her blog. I don't even know how I originally came across her, but I'm so glad I did. I laugh, I get chills, I think, I am thankful, I laugh, and I love it. She wins the award for: interesting material and craftiness. Her craft is her words. I have a great appreciation for that particular craft.

Faye at Red River Interiors - Faye's specialty is interior design. She posts beautiful pictures of interiors. And in her own words, "I'm never at a loss for design ideas. Send me questions, I'll send you answers. I'll share my trade secrets. . ." How generous is that?! So generous. Plus, she's like, my biggest fan, so go see her. She wins the award for: creativity and design.

AM at Antique Mommy - I love her blog, too. Her craft is also her words. I could repeat here, everything I said about Sue. In fact, I will: I laugh, I get chills, I think, I am thankful, I laugh, and I love it. One thing that's extra special aboutt Antique Mommy is her way of making me more grateful to be a mother. Her love for, and wonder and amazement with her child, makes me look differently at my own. Thank you, AM!

Missy at It's Almost Naptime - I enjoy the site and feel at ease and at home. That's what this award is all about. Missy is very transparent, very real, and very charming. As some say in the South, she is just darlin'.

I am so glad that I have gotten to "know" all of these women. Every one influences me in some way.

Enjoy your awards girls. You deserve them.

Tooth Ache

You remember that one thing I once said about refusing to post about dental appointments. Yeah? You remember. Oh. Because, um, I may have lied.

Apparently.

I thought there would be nothing to report. Which is sort of the way you hope a dental appointment will transpire.

We have cavities. And by we, I mean they. My two eldest. Cavities. I am so not gettin' my Honorable Mention ribbon this year.

Man, I was so close, too.

I think I could handle one cavity. Not so glaring and with all the flashy neon arrows pointing at me. Bad Mama. Terrrrrrrible Mama. Sugarhead, (whose name now looks like foreshadowing), has six. SIX. Sweet Pickle has two. I'm not good at math, but I know that's not good.

The big deal about this for me, is toothpaste. Fluoride, she (the dentist) said, will "arrest the problem".

Y'all.

There have been a few isshahs in my adult life that I have not wanted to budge on. One was organic milk. The other? Uh-huh. Fluoride. With gas costing upwards of $87 a gallon, we've started buying regular milk. I couldn't see paying $7-8 on milk every week. And my kids don't drink it, so I figured Stretch and I could bite the bullet. So about a month or so ago, we started drinking "the other stuff".

I have to pause for a moment of silence.
.
.
.
.
(sigh)

So, I've reconciled myself (mostly) to the whole milk thing, but now fluoride? Today, for possibly the first time ever (in our home), the kids brushed with Crest.

How can it be that by avoiding a toxin and trying to keep them in optimum health, I have damaged their teeth.

Sometimes I feel like a salmon of Capistrano (if they even exist). Swimming up-river. And I think, you know? Growing up, we brushed with Crest. Or Aquafresh. Or Close-Up. Or whatever was on sale. I've never had a cavity problem. We ate cheap bologna, Little Debbie's and that ham with the cheese chunks in it. We drank untold gallons of Kool-Aid with sugar that wasn't even measured. Just poured into the pitcher. And it was good. Who knows how much corn syrup or hydrogenated oils we consumed? I'm quite sure the amount of trash we ingested may well be considered legendary. The stuff of legends, people. Surely no one can eat that and live.

And yet here we are.

But I KNOW that stuff is bad for you. I know "it makes our bodies sad". In the long run. I've tried to be preventative. To think of paying more now (for things like supplements, etc.) so as to prevent a significant pay increase to hospitals and insurance companies later. To avoid dying a painful (and preventable) death on some hospital bed somewhere, with a self-inflicted disease. I've tried to be diligent (well, as diligent as a person with a propensity towards forgetfulness and laziness can be) about our health. I've read and read and read some more. I've gotten excited about things like raw diets, juicing, supplements, probiotics and fluoride-free toothpaste and water... I've been very interested in our health.

I'm so disappointed. And I feel somewhat disillusioned. And by now having my children brush with fluoride toothpaste, I feel like a fraud.

Of all the human traits that be, flakiness is one that sickens me.

This whole thing makes me feel tired. The bottom line is, I want what's best for my kids. I want to make choices that I can feel good about. But right now, I question my ability to do that well... and on the toothpaste issue, I feel guilty either way.

Blockage

If there is such a thing as blog (blawg) writer's block, I am afflicted.

So very.

I sit to peck out a post and then delete the whole thing because I get so bored with myself. And if I'm boring even me, then I'll just go ahead and spare y'all. I'd rather have the same post up for a week than post something that makes my brain leak.

I guess there's not much to report lately, unless you want to hear about a dentist's appointment, or grocery shopping. Or how I've been yelling alot lately.

Other topics I've considered include:

• mountainous piles of endless laundry to wash, fold and iron. Ooh, captivating.
  
• new lotion I got as a prize from a friend that smells really good to me, but Stretch thinks it smells like Stetson. So now we call it the cowboy lotion. Its real name is Japanese Cherry Blossom. Apparently, he thinks cowboys smell like cherries.
• how I can't quite catch up on cleaning my house. And by catch up, I'm not sure what I mean. What I'm dealing with though, is cleaning of the Spring variety. Dusty vents on the ceiling, cobwebs, dusty curtains, dusty baseboards and door seams... The theme, in case you haven't picked it up, is dust. Loads and loads of dust.
  

All of these are real things that are happening in my life, and they're, you know, dear to my heart. But I can't help but think they lack a certain, how do you say... draw. Allure, if you will.

They're boring.

Bore. Ring.

With the exception of the lotion. That's not boring. It's actually funny. But see, I just posted about it. And there's not much else to say on that topic.

Hopefully this'll all clear up soon though, so I can continue to crank out the kind of awesomeness you're all used to reading here.

I hate to disappoint. I really do.